Having the Conversation
I met with a friend over the weekend who said, “I don’t know what to do about the election. The only thing I think I can do is try to influence my extended family, who are all pro-Trump, and I don’t even know where to start.”
We know that no one is coming to save us on this. The media has leaned into doing everything possible to support Trump, not pressing him on his endless lies or growing visible infirmities, and giving no credit to Biden for his ongoing successful governance. So if there’s going to be anyone influencing hearts and minds, and the future direction of the country, it’s going to be through those conversations that my friend is dreading.
It’s both painful and futile to make those conversations a frontal attack. Attack just makes people defensive, makes them double down and solidify their positions. A gentler approach is necessary.
One way to do it is to find the areas of self-interest. Many people who otherwise support Trump really do want to maintain their access to health care. In Trump’s first term, there were repeated attacks on the Affordable Care Act. Project 2025 (p. 469, I’m not just repeating someone’s talking points) proposes creating an end run around the act for the benefit of the insurance companies, once again allowing them an avenue to offer health insurance that doesn’t conform to the ACA. Given the current association between employer health plans and insurance for most people, people don’t really have a free choice of what insurance they get and it will be possible once again for people to get trapped into insurance that doesn’t cover necessary care or pre-existing conditions.
But more generally, more gently, and more creatively, if you are going into one of these tricky conversations, first seek alignment. Try to establish the common ground. We all want our children to be safe. Maybe there’s a space in that desire to talk about common sense gun control. We all want security in our old age. Maybe increasing restrictions and limitations on Social Security while continuing to cap the contributions to the system are not the best way forward. Is there, perhaps, uneasiness about favoring Russia’s international interests? Maybe talking about Trump’s interest in stepping back on America’s role in NATO will resonate.
It’s really hard for me personally to not feel angry with and disrespectful towards people who do not see Trump as a threat to democratic values, social institutions, and the safety and bodily autonomy of women, LGBTQ people, and anyone else who doesn’t look like and agree with him. At other times, I feel that the polarization that is destroying our society can’t be aided by breaking off relationships with the people who are close to us but nevertheless in political disagreement. Maybe the alignment we seek will come down to We are all afraid of the future and we will be able to see the people struggling on both sides of the issue.
